On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
