You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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