I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
