I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
