wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
