My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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