you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
