we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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