I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Randomize
