I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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