saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
