eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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