I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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