I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
