I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
