I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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