so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
