If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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