fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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