I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
