Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
