Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
