why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
