Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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