strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
