i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
