i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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