Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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