I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
