I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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