god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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