the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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