I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
