thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
