So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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