So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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