My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
