I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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