we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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