You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
