Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
