nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
