NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
