I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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