I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
