just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
