Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
