hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
false alarm. still invincible.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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