Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
two words...techno handjob
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
