apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
