The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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